hello.

i hope my previous post were entertaining. for one of it ryte? got numbers rite? read only the odd numbers. its cool. read it ok.

so today went for the exhibition thing. was fun ah got alot of cute people. haha.
sorry shafiq if we irritated you. lol!

i really want to go NCC eh. ergh

then tomorrow got aeromodelling and ccac. taik sak.

everytime got so many shit. den clash
for god sake exams are coming. dammit. havent even study.
ncc comes ferst but i dun wanna look like an uncommitted ccac.
its a hard lyfe that i have to balance.
tough responsibility.

so i think i go for ccac a while and den go for aero. what to do?
my lyfe like so miserable sak.
even my berthday ryte smack in the middle of exams.
i have to study. and i am gonna start tomorrow.
except the geography part coz i lost my text book.
there is only one place i have not look for the book so far.
the maths class. but mrs selvan never come dunnoe how many days.den dat room must have a card or sumtin. den monday no maths . so only tuesday den i can find. fcuk!
if dun have i no choice but to buy new one. erghh



lyfe is so unfair to ME.
everything bad dat can happen has happened. and i dun even have a person whom i feel comfortable to confide in.
one day i will just lose it and just breakdown. i just know it.

Labels: sesugguhnya aku berpuasa. (:

1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me

,24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 after all that happened, i still cannot forget you.i hate you. but i love you.

(read between the lines syg)
Love pictures
I had a dream and it was about you ...

I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...

then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?

Coz in my dream you left me without saying goodbye ...

just a little story.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…
“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.“I can’t”“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..Me: I love you.Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…Again, he handed me a little doll.Me: What’s this?Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”Jin: You have something to say?Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…Jin: What?!Me: Tell meI put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday



just a warning. get some tissue lying around.
even i cried. but if you dun wanna be sad den dun read.




After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.“I love you~”“I love you~”“I love you~”Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.



Broken heart pictures

Labels: My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you

hello !
i will post because of the special request by atiee! (:
haha
i wanted to post anyway!
i wouldn't leave my baby here all alone.
daddy's back! (from the mental hosp.)

ok so i was busy so i no tyme to update.
not that i wanna neglect it.
monday to wednesday had the sucky silver wing.
i better pass man! i study until like what. plus the place is far and we are fasting and need to reach there early.
it was crappy anyway. cause of some ppl. and yet again to ruin my lyfe. gerls.
but made new frens and saw the older frens.
too lazy too elaborate more.
then thursday suppose to do homework but like too tired . coz not enough sleep.
so no work was done!
i had 2 malay worksheets. like 3 maths paper. 2 geography work sheets and three mindmaps for english.
so on friday had life science in the morning. fun lar.
then go back to school to build the planes. but d&t workshop was close. some ppl nvr plan things properly. never bother to go and chek first or something or start work earlier. den in the end evrything dump on me.
wasted another day. dammit. could have finished my homework seyy. erghh.
den today i finish all my homework(except maths lar) atleast alot done already.
den go out den here i am.
wow dat was fast.
selamat berbuka !